Baseless Opinion: Why It's Never The End

I’m proud of him for blogging about what I always need to blog about and haven’t yet done. I will, though. Someday.

“…Truth isn’t outside power, or lacking in power: contrary to a myth whose history and functions would repay further study, truth isn’t the reward of free spirits, the child of protracted solitude, nor the privilege of those who have succeeded in liberating themselves. Truth is a thing of this world: it is produced only by virtue of multiple forms of constraint” (Truth and Power 131).

First, someday I’d like to write about How Spike became Justin Timberlake. I think it’d be a paper on the rhetoric of Justin Timberlake’s hair and how James Marsters’ hair changed to coincide with the evolution of JT.

I also want to write about the rhetoric and aesthetics of coffee. Not Starbucks, that’s different. But diners and white cups and late night conversations or early mornings. And the word cup, but only pronounced as it is in How the Grinch Stole Christmas when the Grinch gives Cindy Lou Who her cup and sends her to bed.

And love.

But that one is obviously more geared towards self-reflection and pondering the world. James Marsters and JT, however… now that’s something worth sharing.

Anyway, newsflash: I’ve been depressed these last few months. My bestie realized it long before I did, but I suppose that’s what they’re for.

Okay, the old man who just walked by making snarky comments about our future leaders, wtf, dude. Headphones don’t mean I can’t hear you.

So, depression. What do I have to be depressed about? I don’t know. Nothing, really. But I imagine that’s part of the problem. I’m neither here nor there at the moment and it’s a difficult space to be in. Life hasn’t gotten any worse but it doesn’t seem to get any better either.

In any event, I’m rather certain that depression is one of the five steps of grief. Actually, it’s the second to last, followed by acceptance.

Guess that means I’m almost there. Although, I’m not sure I want to get there. Can’t be sure I ever will.

After some shockingly successful creeper facebook activity, I caught a glimpse of a future I’d often treated as a ‘what-if’. You know, what if I’d made different choices and had ended up doing x with y.

Well, I saw someone else doing x with y, and I can say quite certainly, maybe for the first time, that I made the right choices in life. X and Y were never meant for me.

I rather think I might be destined for something better. Maybe A and B.

And shock of all shocks, for the first time I think I might deserve better. Might desire better. Well…I always desired better, but now my desires have been validated, I think.

I wouldn’t have been happy with x or y.

I feel happy and proud of where and who I am.

The blogging did not see equal success, especially as I managed to spill iced coffee on my keyboard the other day. Shockingly, the keyboard has been displeased as a result.

Anyway, Sunday macaroni with mushroom cream sauce.

Baby bellas were on sale at Giant Eagle.

It didn’t quite set up right… the sauce, I mean. But I think that’s what happens when you sacrifice heavy cream for fat free half and half. I also purchased a “sweet onion” which I was quite certain meant Vidalia onion but just wasn’t called that. Um, I was very wrong. It basically added like a cup of sugar to the sauce. Not the best taste for a white sauce. However, the other half of it will work nicely in the red gravy I’ll be making this weekend.

Monday night also featured a home cooked, unhealthy but delicious, meal of fried zucchini. I comforted myself with the knowledge that it was in fact all zucchini. And all delicious.

Getting through the first week of the second term has been a bit of a challenge these past few mornings. Luckily my other class, Afr Am lit, was cancelled, but I still am struggling to find a way to balance all of the work I have to do. And to get out of bed. But, whatever. I just need a little readjustment to my schedule.

I also probably don’t need to spend as much time watching ‘The Tudors’ and ‘True Blood’ online and from netflix. At the same time, though, I deserve a little me time, I think. My whole life can’t be eaten up by school. At least…not anymore. Not in my current state of mental being. Life’s too short.

So on the me front: the spec Christmas knitting is going well. The lace pattern turned out nicely, and although I think I’ll use a different yarn for the real gift, it should look very pretty.

I also made a hat, which did not go very well.

But I learned so much in the process that I feel comfortable venturing into hat territory again. I think they’ll make nice gifts for the few men on my xmas gift list.

Anyway, on deck for this weekend is an overwhelming amount of work, and hopefully a little knitting and relaxing. Also am going to be helping Erin pack up to move to her new apartment. If only I could find the time to get my own apartment together. I really have to laundry. I mean…my God, do I have to do laundry. Maybe I will.

But this morning, I am giving into the summertime glory of berries and laziness. Oh and coffee and chicory. Nothing like coffee and chicory for me, lately. Just loving it.

Blueberry pancakes with fresh blueberries? Delicious.

Laziness takes the form of spec Christmas knits.

Got a book of Potter-inspired patterns yesteday. Features a lovely lacework pattern that looks simple enough that I won’t screw it up. Getting started on it this morning. If it goes well, it’ll end up being the pattern for at least a couple Christmas gifts.

As for the rest of the day, I’m looking forward to using the rainy day as the perfect reason to get some work done! Plan on finally finishing my Heidegger blog post and reading a epic amount of ‘Invisible Man.’ Then, a lovely supper with Lauren and Mike! Which means I have to bake some brownies this afternoon, but that’s easy enough.

And so it begins…

That means I have to define a purpose. I have to define my audience. And I have to define myself as a writer.

Myself as a writer is someone who should journal to maintain her sanity. At least to keep what sanity I have left (read: not all that much). I think I want to do a day-to-day-ish blog of the next year (maybe longer). This year is going to be quite busy. Grad school apps, life, first year of teaching, conferences, master’s thesis-type stuff, grief, shopping, cooking, knitting…

I should write it all down. I mean, why not? Plenty of people blog about sillier things. Teenagers, for example.

Let’s give it a go.

That is all. Back to working on blogs about Marshall McLuhan and the ELECTRONIC AGE. Oh my.

The other day I said to Rachel, “I dont know how you’re supposed to meet anyone in grad school.” I realize now that this statement implied that I might know how to meet someone elsewhere or at all. Sigh. How patently untrue.

I’m going to listen to Demi Lovato emo-ly now as I wait for my laundry to finish.